Just wanted to fry an egg…

Posted by on October 20, 2012 12:22 pm
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Categories: Column 3


Cooking eggs...

Did you ever have one of those mornings? Maybe just go back to bed, reset, and start over? It all started with an egg…well, several eggs…

Today started normally for a Saturday. Up early, getting lots of things done. I even cleaned my desk, which has been, well, out of control lately. Rearranged, cleaned up, put the desk back together, and then realized I had forgotten to eat breakfast. OK, I’m hungry, so I’ll just fry an egg and toast a bagel.

I reach in the fridge to find no eggs. Oh, wait, here’s an 18-count carton from Costco under the cheese. The frying pan is already too hot, waiting for some bacon grease, but I can stack a few more things on the counter. (The cat is, of course, circling my feet in a figure eight pattern, trying to kill me, or at least make me fall into the open flame on the stove.) All rights, eggs, need eggs…

The first egg I grab is glued inside the egg carton, as are the next five or six. This Costco egg carton must have been on the bottom of the pallet, so the broken eggs are glued inside the carton and break when lifted. I hate to waste a good egg. No problem, I can pour the egg into the frying pan. It is really hot now. OK, wait for it, here it comes, the egg is sliding into the frying pan when…other eggs begin coming unglued. One falls to the rug in front of the stove. (Rosie the dog will eat that one…it’s good for her, makes her coat look healthy.) Bobby the cat is still circling my feet, moving in for the kill.) I may have been distracted. Yes, distracted, that is the story I am sticking with.

Perhaps a spoon will help the second broken egg slide out of the shell and into the searing hot frying pan. Yes, it looks like this is going to work… another egg now comes unglued and breaks on the stove, missing the frying pan by less than an inch before oozing onto the burner and stove top. A third egg plummets to the countertop.

Breakfast can still be salvaged, I think. Stop and regroup. Turn the flame off and try again. I will have to clean up the stove, so I lift the grate from the burners. (See searing hot frying pan mentioned above.) I have now burned my right hand, but can still spoon the remains of the eggs into the frying pan. (The first egg has oozed from the front to the back of the slightly unlevel stove.) The broken eggs now drip back into the egg carton, gluing the remaining eggs firmly into place. The bagel is dehydrated in the toaster, but the new frying pan is heating up nicely. Using oven mitts on everything to be safe. I have conquered breakfast, the cat is no longer trying to kill me, and Lisa is back from the store.

Time for lunch. 😛

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